A Return to Worship
Peter Jantz
Bassist, Songwriter
I never intended to join the worship team at First Free Church. I hadn’t really planned on joining a church again, either. I had stopped going to church and didn’t think I felt the need to come back.
“All of the “human stuff” of a service became a dense fog, distorting my view of worship and obstructing my view of God. I was burning out. I felt hurt and I needed a break from corporate religion in order to save my relationship with God.”
My late 20’s found me married, starting a family, a career in healthcare, attending Bible study and volunteering at a small local church, but the more I got involved, the more the “business” of running a church began to bother me. I was tired of the lights, the show, and the behind-the-scenes drama about budgets and strategic plans. All of the “human stuff” of a service became a dense fog, distorting my view of worship and obstructing my view of God. I was burning out. I felt hurt and I needed a break from corporate religion in order to save my relationship with God.
I had dropped my gaze, and instead of looking up to the Creator I was looking down at all of us: well-intentioned but imperfect and broken. The answer wasn’t for all of that “human stuff” to go away - the lights, the music, the production - the problem wasn’t my old church; the problem was me. I was latching on to a critical spirit and letting that critical spirit bring me down and steal my joy.
After a year or so, I started to attend Saturday night services at First Free Church. A friend said they could use someone to play bass on Saturday nights if I was up for it. I said “sure.”
“I’ve learned that Worship isn’t external. It’s not something you put on. Worship is what overflows from our lives; it’s a response.”
Since then, I have grown a lot. I’ve learned that Worship isn’t external. It’s not something you put on. Worship is what overflows from our lives; it’s a response. It starts from what is inside of us and it spills out through music, through art, through giving and through showing kindness to each other, to strangers, and to difficult people in our lives. In Acts 16:25, Paul and Silas show us that the power of worship is immune to circumstance. Worship should be our response in bad times just as much as in good times; it’s a response that comes from immersing ourselves in His word and aligning our hearts with the Truth.
“About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them…”
Acts 16:25
I’ve grown to approach worship in song with an open heart - balancing reverence with response to the Living God. I need to lift my view up to see past the distractions of style/tempo/volume/poetic-imagery (“sloppy wet kiss?”), to connect with the true heart of worship in the song. I need to stop taking myself so seriously at times and smile at how ridiculous we can be, yet God loves and delights in us all the same. When we worship, we’re not telling God who He is for His good, we’re doing it for our good. We are declaring to our own hearts the truth of who God is and trying to capture in song how our hearts feel in response to His glory, to His power and majesty, to His sacrifice, and to His redemption - to let the truth of what He has done through the power of Jesus penetrate a little bit deeper into our hearts. When we were recording the song “Emmanuel” for the Black Box Album, it really began to resonate with me. The idea of letting go of the guilt from our past and the weight of religious duty, to be swept up in the pure love of God.
In the past, I had spent too much time listening to that critical voice of judgement, letting it distract me from the beauty and purpose of the community around me. It sidelined me for a season. But God is unrelenting in His pursuit. Now I’ve fallen in love with the church. The community, relationships, encouragement, strength and instruction that I’ve found here are unparalleled. And I would have missed out on all of it if I had held onto my hurt. It's truly been a privilege to be a part of a team of sincere worshipers, part of a vibrant local congregation, and part of The Church eternal.